


Cut Up Angels

by RageHappyThunder



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Bullying, Depression, M/M, Minor Violence, Multi, Other, angel au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyThunder/pseuds/RageHappyThunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone told me once that shooting stars are really just angels throwing away their cigarettes before God could catch them smoking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Joel threw his cigarette away, lighting the night sky with a barrage of ash.  _“Make a wish dumbasses”_  he muttered as the crimson ash burned down where a few thousand humans could see it and make the classic mistake thinking they’re a  “shooting star.” Joels closed his eyes and waited, he knew what was going to happen next. There was a loud crack beside him as a fellow angel gave him a knowing look. Before the being in front of him could speak, Joel opened his mouth and repeated “I know” a few times. He threw his arm up in a devil may care manner and followed the angel to where he was being lead to.

Once he arrived to their destination the winged being took off, looking back and wondering slightly to the fate of his fellow peer. Joel, however, was less concerned about the fate that lied ahead of him.

Heaven was a very peculiar place. Well, if you wanted to consider this heaven. This was more like… God’s bachelor pad. In a way. At least that’s what Joel called it. Anyway, this heaven was big, set in its own observable universe that slightly overlapped ours. However, this universe had no sky, no stars. The whole of this observable universe was just one big box, where the floors were misty and the walls white as snow before pollution. It was always sunny, always bright, and if you wanted to make a room in this giant box, that rooms walls would also be bright and sunny. The floor, when walked on, turned into an eggshell white coloured brick. When flying, the floor turned misty. There was also no “down” from the floor. You couldn’t dig, there was also no ceiling, supposedly. No angel had ever felt the need to fly upward, and if they did, almost instantly the feeling would flee them. In “Heaven” there was one dark room, and this room would only be dark for 8 or so human hours. This room had glass on one of it’s walls, and whenever you needed a break or to just get away from everyone else, you could escape here and just watch humanity go.

The “angels” are also somewhat strange. Some male, some female, some in between, no matter what gender they are, they all have white wings with a 17 foot wingspan and a glowing white dress that looked like a nightgown. They all had one thing that set the different from each other, (besides hair colour and eye colour and personalities and other things) and this was their markings. Depending on “age”, their markings grew in a variety of ways. Joels, the angel in question, had markings of various different squiggles that must mean something to someone, starting from his neck and lowering down on this back on his spinal cord, from there the markings had started to branch out, almost covering his entire back, covering his shoulders and just barely starting to creep out onto his arms. Based off this, would could conclude that Joel was very old, but not old enough to have a ranking. (The oldest of angels would be covered head to toe with markings, some even branching out onto their wings. These angels are rarely seen around Heaven though)

And there was a very very tall man, in a very long dress, with a rather impressive beard and no markings looking down at Joel as a father who was expecting more of a son would. This man was “God.” Maybe your God, maybe my God, but he was their God too at the moment. He cleared his throat.

“Joel” He said.

“What” Joel retorted.

God pinched the bridge of his nose, and spoke slowly, “Joel, remember what I told you about toying with the humans?” Joel pffted, of course he remembered.

“Yeah I remember, but I wasn’t toying with them, I just needed an ashtray and their sky was there. No harm done.”

“But your intentions are not pure, you send down ashes and they think it’s a sign to make a wish, to plead with their heart for something they need, I’d be fine with it if you honestly want to give hope to these humans, but you see yourself as a higher being than them, and you toy with them. Joel, this ends now.”

_Joel this ends now_ _,_  Joel mocked in his head, _I heard that,_ a voice boomed in his mind.

“Look God, I see what you’re saying but man have you ever looked at those fucking humans? They’re so stupid. I don’t understand why you keep them around just smite them or something they’re practically begging for it.” God raised an eyebrow.

“It seems like you’re asking me to end you right now too, Look,  _Joel_ ,” God practically spat his name, “I don’t understand why you’re smoking next to the glass where you can clearly see the humans, one cigarettes don’t affect you here, and two you can’t even get high.” He sighed.

“What are you gonna do? You can’t make me love them.”

God smirked.

Joel almost cried.

“No, no no no no no.”

“How about a bet”

“Jesus Christ”

“Don’t bring him into this, he can’t bail you out now. Look. I’m going to propose something to you, and by propose I mean i’m going to tell you my idea and you’re going to do it. You will have 15 human years. 15, that’s only a few days for us up here, and I bet you in those 15 human years, you will find someone who will change your perspective of the human race. If I’m wrong, I’ll let you sit in my chair. Deal?” and before Joel could even think about protesting, God continued. “Great,” he said “Oh, but for the first few years, so you can get the jist of things, I’ll make you a little bit of a ghost to them, so they can’t see you, but you’ll be able to move certain things but don’t get crazy or you’ll have me to answer to,” he growled the last part. Joel looked like he was about to punch something, his face was the mix drink of an angsty teenager and a child who was about to have a temper tantrum in a supermarket. God winked at him. “It’ll be fun. I have it all sorted out for you Joel.”

And like that, there was a loud crack and suddenly Joel was in a very very strange place.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Ray looked at himself in the mirror, he had a fat lip, a black eye and few cuts on his face and knuckles. He turned his kitchen sink and started to try and mend his face. After a few minutes of frustration, and a stinging sensation, he gave up at plopped on his couch. His first day of highschool went just as expected, badly. He didn’t know when the bullying started, or why, all he knew was that he was stuck in a big empty house, both his parents being away on “business” trips, with a face full of pain and a stomach full of empty.

He would have gotten up from the couch to get some food, but he was so goddamn tired so he just fell asleep instead.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ray woke up with a groan the next morning, dreading school, and quite frankly the rest of his life. He changed his shirt for a fresh one, debating for half an hour if he should have showered first. When he glanced at the clock, it was already time to go so he grabbed his backpack filled with useless papers and neat unused binders and headed out for the bus. On the ride to school he pushed in his earbuds into where they’re supposed to go, and listened to music the whole way there, trying to block out the assholes surrounding him.

School itself was fine, considering Ray was a good student. He was respectful and carefree during class, even though he had a very limited amount of real friends. He had school acquaintances, people he could talk to and just joke around with, but he didn’t really have anyone to talk to. This was fine with him, considering he was more of an introvert. Friends would be nice, but they’re not necessary.

Bullies, however, he had plenty of.

No matter where he went, they would be there, eyeing him in the hallways like a hungry wolf about to eat its prey. Ray would just try not to make eye contact, but he knew what was about to happen.

——————————————————————————————————————————————  
Joel growled, and grabbed his neck, then passed his hand over his face and huffed. This was going to be a long couple of years and he could feel it. He then looked around and almost yelped. Young humans everywhere. Just flooding one cramped space stuffing their faces with food. It was unsettling. Joel felt his stomach lurch as he furrowed his brow. What the fuck was he doing here? Goddamnit.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He guessed that he just had to bullshit something here and now. He opened his wings and flapped a little bit, just to stretch them out. He almost hits a kid in the face with his wings and when he flapped, some kids around him pulled jackets out of their bags and put them on. Great, Joel thought, God can do whatever the fuck he wants to do and I can make little humans cold. He sighed deeply, maybe he could find a use for what he could do.

He slowly walked around the small space, listening into what the kids were saying and just surveying them. In order to keep from people passing into him, he scrunched up his wings like he did when he was bored, them being snuggly folded in his mid section. It made him look a bit fatter but he was comfortable and no one could see him. He walked around the cafeteria, when someone caught his eye.

This kid was pale, shockingly caucasian you could say, he had his eyes set on the floor and he was approached by two other guys who grabbed him from behind.

“Excuse me,” one of them said mockingly, as both the guys dragged him into the bathroom. Joel cocked an eyebrow up. This can’t be good, he thought. (In the back of his head he could hear a familiar voice boom, no shit sherlock.)

“Hey guys,” the younger voiced nervously, “how about I just leave?” he squirmed under their grip. He wasn’t going anywhere, and Ray knew this.  
“Whoa there, buddy, we’re just going to take a little bit of a swim,” said one, as he kicked open the stall in front of him. Ray’s face dropped, Joel kicked the second lightly in the shin and he fell forward onto the kid who was holding Ray.  
“What the fuck man?”  
“I’m sorry I just-”  
“Get the fuck off me”   
“I can’t”  
Joel was holding him down with his hand, muttering kiss kiss under his breath. Ray was considering making a joke, but decided to bolt for the door. Once Joel heard the door close he left the two boys and followed.

Joel then stood outside the bathroom, looking at his hands. He thought about phasing them through the wall, and then he did. Then he wanted to lean on the wall, so he did. Joel hummed and resisted the urge to punch a child in the face to see if it would work.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Ray ran off with his hands stuffed into his pockets, head down and silently smiling to himself. He got lucky, he felt it. He rushed off to class early, he knew his bullies wouldn’t pursue him if there were people around. He waited for a while, and when the bell rung he ducked into class.


	3. Chapter 3

Joel followed the kid around school, careful to remind himself to phase through people. Occasionally, Joel would groan, pinch his nose and yell at the dumbasses around him. Everyone was just so stupid and so ignorant. The only class Joel was quiet in was film, when the teacher showed a movie about zombies and some clips of other films that varied from comedies, to tragedies. Joel absorbed everything, paying attention to the script and the camera work. Humans were good at making up fantasies. He considered staying in that class for the rest of the day, but decided not to as he saw Ray race for the door and to the busses. Joel followed, sitting awkwardly in the back of the bus alone. Stalking a kid. As a ghost.

Oh god what am I doing, Joel groaned. He passed his hand over his face and hung his head into his palms. Just stay with him, a voice echoed in his head, learn from him.

Joel obliged.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Ray threw his backpack into the corner and yelled “Honey I’m home” ironically. Joel, confused when no one answered, drifted along the floor in search of people. He searched both bedrooms, one a master bedroom with the sheets untouched and the flour with a layer of dust, and Ray’s bedroom, that was surprisingly clean for a teenage boy. he had some clothes piled up on his chair that was tucked into his desk that lies near the bedroom door. His bed was scrunched up near the far wall on the opposite side of where his desk was, and he had a row of windows right in front of the door. His closet was the door near the main door to get it. It was medium sized and filled with various long sleeved, short sleeved shirts, sweaters and sweatshirts and some pants that lied on the ground. He walked back to where the main room, or the “living” room was. Living room’s a stupid name humans are stupid you live in every goddamn room you don’t just stop breathing when you enter your bedroom like “time to go to sleep” more like “time to die bitch because no living unless you’re in the living room”. Joel stopped. It was only day one and he was already going mental.

“Well, that just happened,” Joel froze. Who the fuck was Ray talking to? He turned his head and looked at the screen, on it tiny tiny men were killing each other. Joel scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, what the hell was Ray doing?

Well, whatever it was, he was quite good. Ray could flick the controller only slightly and end up head shotting three guys at once. After a few minutes of watching him, Joel even started to root for the damn kid, muttering curses and praise when he died or killed someone else. Joel then sat on the floor, watching both Ray and the screen, sometimes waving his arms or making sarcastic cheers.

Maybe humans weren’t so bad.  
——————————————————————————————————————————————

Ray was a quiet kid, Joel noticed, but he was funny as hell. Too bad he never raised his voice above a whisper, so his retorts were either never acknowledged, or only a few kids would hear and laugh. It also seemed like his bullying was being done under the radar. “ray-dar.” Joel frowned when Ray started to make his way to the lunch room. Joel zoomed passed him and ran on ahead. Boom, there they were. Dumb and dumber, the absolute scum of the school. Joel took the liberty of sneaking some spicy powder into their food without them noticing. They were so preoccupied with their burning mouths that neither of them remembered to bully Ray.

And then Joel got his hands on some itching powder. And then he got his hands on a spider.  
Day after day, the predator became prey until one day they started talking in hushed tones.

“Dude maybe it’s karma”  
“Don’t be stupid”  
“No I’m serious, we bullied that kid and now god’s pissed.”  
Why did God always get the credit for the shit Joel did?

“Do you think if we lay off him, the bad luck will stop?”  
“I dunno, but it’s worth a shot”  
They looked worryingly into each other’s eyes, and when Ray passed by, neither of them even dared to move.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Joel grew into the same routine, he would follow Ray around school and then follow him home. Human days were shorter than angel days, so only every three days or so, Joel would have to sleep and when he did sleep he would do so in the attic or the roof. Joel liked high places, they reminded him of flying.

At “Home” Joel would sometimes watch Ray play video games, and on the weekends, since Ray seldom left his house, Joel would take a stroll outside. Sometimes Joel would see something nice like humans being nice to each other, but most of the time, Joel would storm back into Ray’s house fuming because humans would cat call at women, or he would see a parent hit their kid, or he would see some kid getting bullied, or getting called a “faggot” on the streets. For the love of God just let people love who they want to love, Joel would want to scream at them. In the back of his mind he could hear a voice go, I hear ya buddy.

Ray was a cute kid, Joel thought to himself one night as he phased through ray’s bedroom door. Ray’s hair was disheveled, locks going every which way and his hair even curling upward, his face was like a child’s soft and peaceful with a slight pout on his lips. He hoped he was having a good dream. 

What am I doing?

—————————————————————————————————————————————-  
This was Joel’s routine for the rest of freshman year. Ray wasn’t bullied anymore, but he would rush to the bus anyway, even though it wouldn’t leave until 15 minutes after school ended. It was the same old same, until one day, Ray decided to go to the library and study for a bit, since finals were coming up Joel had followed him, like always. The place was cold, quiet, and filled with boring old people and some rowdy children. Joel hated it. Joel hated every second he was there, but Ray was just busily reading, and occasionally scribbling something down. Joel huffed and left for a few seconds. Well, seconds for him. He was probably gone an hour, just looking at the ground, occasionally poking a worm or something. When he came back, Ray’s seat was empty. Joel put his arms out point to the chair. I left my human here, and human is now gone. Gotta go find him god fucking damn it I turned my back for a few seconds. He groaned, and walked outside ducking into allies occasionally so he would take the longest way back to Ray’s house. While Joel was humming some billion old song he heard a whimper and his heart fucking dropped.


	4. Chapter 4

Ray looked at himself in the mirror, his face cut up and his cheek swelling a bit from the bruising, his sides hurt from where he was kicked and he kept spitting blood into the bathroom sink. His eyes started to glass over as he tried to nurse his injuries, the alcohol stinging his cuts. After he made himself stop bleeding, he got an ice pack from his fridge and pushed it gently onto his cheek, hoping the swelling would stop. Occasionally he would run his hand down his side checking his ribs, making sure they weren’t broken. It hurt, and since Ray has had a fractured rib before, he took some Advil, breathed in deep, and went to bed. He hasn’t been jumped in a long, long time.

Meanwhile, the invisible angel beside him was fuming. _How fucking dare they!? Why the fuck would people jump a goddamn kid for a few bucks? Who the fuck would do this? He was just innocent, he’s not even a bad kid, he talks to no one and now he’s laying down in bed, in pain, because of a fucking wallet. I fucking hate humanity and I wish I could just end them all._

_Joel shut the fuck up._

_No, you put me in this mess and I want you to fix it asshole._

_Joel don’t make me come down there, because if I have to I will personally feed you to the dogs._

The dogs referred to a special being in ‘heaven’, a dog with six heads that would slowly rip apart any angel if they talked about death or murder. The reasoning was to give an angel the fear of death so they can know the true consequences of their words. To wish death upon someone was seen as a very very bad high offence and God was having none of Joel’s shit today.

_You want to end all of humanity because you think them bad, look at this kid Joel. Someone put him in pain because of something stupid. You said it yourself that he was innocent, and there are a billion other humans who are also innocent. Think before you act, for the love of me._

Joel sighed and phased out of Ray’s house to go and float for a while. When he found a secluded place he bashed his fists onto a wall, making a soft  _thud_. He kept chanting  _goddamnit_  under his breath, thinking that somehow this must have been his fault. He also cursed silently for maybe getting too attached to this kid. He would catch himself though, Joel promised himself he wouldn’t get too attached to the kid back at the house and that, in only a few more years, he’d be back home and he’d forget about this whole ordeal.

Days fluttered on and on until the end of the school year, and then summer veered it’s ugly head and Ray’s rib healed, so did his bruising and cuts. Ray was back to his content self, having done well on his finals, (Passing even if only barely in some subjects.) Joel was confused at first when Ray woke up late the first day of summer, wondering silently if he should wake the kid up. Joel phased into a few other houses, seeing that all the kids were still in their homes. Joel took the hint, thinking that it was some weird human thing that when it’s hot school wouldn’t be in session. (At first he thought it was some government conspiracy thing, keeping the kids indoors because of some odd reason. He also thought for a second that humans could melt, but that theory just seemed stupid.)

A week into summer vacation, Joel heard the door knob click and was all up an arms until Ray lazily left to go see who it is, only to be met with a tall business like woman and the man to match. Joel was confused until he put two and two together (something he’s not very good at doing) and realized that this must be Ray’s parents. They seemed awfully distant, barely talking to Ray before leaving a month later, giving Ray money to last him the rest of the year. Occasionally they would call, but stay on the phone no longer than a few minutes.

Then school started again, this time Ray was in his sophomore year, and he was visibly happier than before. Joel still tagging along side him.

————————————————————————————

_Please still have film class please please please yesssssss_ Joel was excited for a class he could never (probably) make use for, he scanned the classroom, the people in it seemed to be the same as last year, until a red headed young man with light freckles dotted on his face strolled into the room, the teacher introduced him to the class as Michael something or other Joel wasn’t paying much attention. Ray however, was very very attentive to the new kid. Michael sat near Ray, them chatting a little bit during film class. This went completely unnoticed by Joel who was drinking in everything the teacher was saying, even muttering a few comments under his breath. When the bell rung, Joel was very very confused to see his human chatting with another human thing.

“What’s your favorite game?”

“I’d have to say COD, I just love shooters,” Ray responded, “How about you?”

Michael muttered something about some game who gives a  _shit_  about Michael was Ray being  _social_? Joel felt a little bit happy for the kid. He was wondering when Ray would get some friends. So Joel followed them around, listening to their conversation, sometimes zoning out when Michael started to chat about New Jersey, only to tune back in when Ray said something. This was getting a bit boring to Joel. Soon the weather changed to cold and Joel was stuck at home with Ray and Michael most of the time. Doing the same thing over and over again. Got to school, do homework, video games, talk to Michael, more video games, sleep and so on. Joel was getting impatient as his first year near humanity drew to a close.

It was New Years Eve, everyone would surely be partying but Ray didn’t want to until Michael finally convinced him to go and crash some party a little down south from their current town. There was a lot of alcohol and stupid teenagers, Michael started to drink a little but Ray didn’t want to, saying that he hated the taste of alcohol. Michael shrugged but didn’t badger Ray, Joel looked hungrily at the alcohol, making a mental note to himself of all the different kinds he wanted to try before he left.

———————————————————————————————————

Michael was pretty smashed by the time the new year started, he was mumbling things while Ray walked him home. He kept screaming insanities and tried to get Ray to play the penis game.

“PENIS!”

“Yes Michael we all know you have one but it’s not appropriate to-”

“PENIS!”

“Goddamnit Michael shut up.”

“PENIS!”

“VAGINA” Ray shouted back.

“Oh I see with the eyes how you do the thing, and I say no way Ray, and that fucking rymed I’m a  _chaaaaaaamp_.”

“Oh my God Michael what the fuck are you even trying to say.” Ray got the keys out to his house and lead Michael inside.

“I’m saying theres no way you enjoyed saying Virginia. Vagina. Not the state”

“What? Dude just fucking sleep on the couch before you say something-”

“You’re so not straight and it’s so fucking obvious dude,” Michael started to flail around as he tried to take his shoes off. Ray looked at Michael, starting to get a bit upset at his friend.

“You like me,” Michael stated. Ray shook his head only to be shocked when the red-heads soft but alcohol infused lips kissed his.

  
And this was the end of Joel’s first year.


	5. Chapter 5

To say Ray didn’t like the kiss would be a lie, so when he woke up the next morning, confused, and hating himself a little bit, it was understandable. What wasn’t understandable was what happened later that day. Michael also woke up from the couch, groggy and with a splitting headache, he rubbed his temple and groaned. he shouldn’t have drank so much last night. When he made eye contact with Ray, he tried to cheerily say ‘morning’ and thanked Ray for taking him home.

“You don’t remember last night, do you?” Ray said with a hint of… Hurt? Confusion? Discomfort?

“Why should I?”

“I dunno.”

“Dude you’re acting strange.”

“Just think about last night for a while, I’m going to go get some breakfast.” Michael frowned and followed Ray into the kitchen, what the hell was he going on about? Michael grabbed some lucky charms and a bowl from the cupboard.

_Oh my god this dumbass is playing with Ray’s heart. Let me put my dick in him, tell him I love him then slap him and leave. Oh my god let me do that. God, I can hear you laughing. I’m fine though, really I am. I don’t care about this kid. I don’t care about his life. Watch me leave God. I’m going to phase though this wall and…-_

“Oh my god, Ray.”

_Damn it God you did that on purpose._ Joel floated around to the other side of Ray, getting a good look of both their faces before Michael continued to speak.

“Oh my god Ray, I’m a dumbass.” Ray muttered an  _mhm_  though a mouth full of cereal.

“Dude, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me…” Ray drank the rest of the milk after finishing his frosted flakes, “Dude I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean the kiss. I know I may seem like a douche but I don’t,” Michael sighed, “I don’t like you like that. Are we…” He paused and looked at Ray shyly, “Are we good?”

Ray smiled and put his spoon into his now empty bowl, “Yeah, we’re good Michael.”

_What the fuck just happened did he seriously just brush that off GOD GOD YOU PAIRED ME UP WITH A FORGIVING ASSHOLE. GOD I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE._

Somewhere in heaven God was laughing to himself. This was now his favorite channel and Joel’s commentary was just going to get better. God couldn’t wait until Joel and Ray were finally together in person.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

By the end of Joel’s second year, Ray and Michael were still friends, their sophomore year going well and them getting good marks. Joel was a bit impatient and would make side comments towards Michael on occasion, still bitter about what happend New Years eve, but insisting that it didn’t bother him. At the end of Joel’s third year, both the boys were freaking the fuck out, not knowing what to do for college, getting average marks on the SATs. They then ended up applying for two very different schools, Michael was going to still be nearby, and was going to go learn how to be an electrician and plumber but only needed to go learn this at a trade school. Ray was going to go to college, but as an undecided major, and Joel had no idea what the fuck college was.

Year four was when shit got interesting, finally, for Joel. Ray graduated Highschool and for some reason Joel was proud for the kid, considering his parents didn’t make the graduation ceremony, but did make a half hearted phone call a week later, and this conversation was heavily circulated on when Ray was moving out. Joel didn’t understand parents. _I mean you make the mini-human and then dump him in a house, barely even talking to him for four years. What’s the point, why have a mini-human if you can’t love them._

Ray actually did move out, and was living near the college campus, in an apartment with Michael, Joel had lent a hand to the struggling kid while he was moving heavy boxes, sneakily placing a hand underneath them and lifting trying hard to not raise suspicion, and might have made a few boxes a bit too heavy for Michael to carry.

When year five was about to start, Joel woke up with an aching back. Aching. Pain. He was feeling pain. He got up and looked around, there were people staring at him then looking quickly away. Someone had opened a newspaper on laid it down on him while he was sleeping, so he tore that away from his body as he draped his legs over to the side of the bench, now sitting on it like a normal person and not laying on it. He grabbed his face with his hands and he could feel his brain compress, Joel looked at his arms, he had a long sleeve white shirt on and blue jeans. He felt the pockets, inside of them was a wallet with an I.D., a few green leaves that said 100 on them and had an ugly ass man printed on it, a plastic  _what the fuck is this shit_ , he closed the wallet and put it back inside his back pocket. He felt the front pockets. Inside was a key and a note that said,  _Go to the alley around the corner from Ray’s apartment, I have something for you._ God had very, very sloppy handwriting.

So Joel obeyed, and walked all the way there. With his legs. Joel had grown so used to floating around everywhere that his first steps were wobbly and he didn’t _fucking_ understand traffic. He was jay walking and shouting at cars when they wouldn’t stop in front of him. Joel walked around on the fucking street and when he finally and miraculously ended up at the place he was supposed to be, he squinted his eyes and looked, unimpressed.

There was a house where the alley was once.

A house.

House.

Heaven forbid you give earth a few dinosaurs for old times sake, but God could just make houses willy-nilly and no one around gave a fuck.

So Joel pushed his key in the lock, and entered the place he would have to live in for the next decade.

The house on the outside, was a light brown color, and had a dark dull green door. The house had stone steps leading up to that dull green door, with a black metal like handrail on both sides of the steps. The door had a semi-circle window on top of it. there were four visible windows from the outside of the house, two were leveled with the door that rested to the right of the window, and then there were two windows above that one. At the windowed side of the house, there where vines growing all around it, and flower buds were sprinkled here and there. Sometimes Joel really should stop and smell the flowers because the rose buds were a bright red color, and it looked like the would bloom in the spring that would come up in like two months, considering it was Feburary now.

The inside of the house was cute as  _fuck_. I mean manly as  _hell_. When you walked in, there was a drawer, made with dark brown wood, where Joel had set his keys and wallet on. The hallway was narrow, and almost directly to the left of the drawer was a small kitchen. The kitchen had light yellow walls, but it wasn’t an obnoxious yellow, it was a ‘this is my kitchen’ yellow. The floor had a white square tile pattern. There was a counter with a dark dull green color on the underside of the marble top, and there was a single dark brown colored table off to the side of the wall. Behind the table was a dark yellow door, and when you open that door, there’s a screen door behind it, and on the outside was a small green patch of land that isn’t visible from the outside of the house. There was a white table outside, Joel went back to investigating, and left through the other door in the kitchen. The kitchen was shaped like a small L, and had three doors in it, one at the tip of the L, one in the middle to go outside and one at the end that leads so the underside of the stairs. If you turn left there’s a closet door, if you go right for a while you reach the foot of the stairs. The stairs are black, with a small rug going down the middle that was the color of blood. The handrails had a top part that gleamed and felt slippery when touched, the top part was also a light brown color with dark brown swirls, and the bottom part was a white color. The walls in the bottom part of the house was a dark beige color, unless said otherwise, and the top part of the house was nice, the floors where mahogany and most of the rooms had a dark blue color. There was a small room with a white couch and a square box that would sometimes show people on it. The next room was a little bit bigger and had a toilet and a shower and a little mirror over the sink, and all the way at the end of the top floor was a big, big room with a large white bed and a few doors inside of it. When Joel walked into the room, the bed was right in front of him, to the side of the bed was a bathroom with red and white tiles, a sink with a gold colored faucet, a white bathtub with a silver colored shower head on top, and had little duck pattern on the bottom of the bathtub, so Joel wouldn’t fall in the shower. Joel sighed and made a ‘ _what the fuck_ ’ hand motion, but continued investigating his house. He closed the bathroom door, walked to the right side of the bed where there was a medium sized closet. It was half empty with a few shirts, some white some black and a few gray ones. Then on the top of the hanger things were a few pants, about three pairs, and with the ones he was wearing it meant Joel had about four pairs of pants. Joel went to inspect the shirts closely, and one of the black ones had a piece of paper pinned to it.

_Don’t eat the green leaves in your wallet that’s money. Use it to buy better clothes and use it to buy food and feed yourself, get a job to make more money so you don’t starve to death. Also, find Ray and try to talk to him in your human form. But, just because you remember Ray doesn’t mean he’ll know you or warm up to you quickly. Don’t fuck up and do something right for once._

_-God_

If took a few moments for Joel to read the message, since God did this awful, awful thing with his hand writing where he would make random swirls to letters and sometimes the letters would be so bunched up that you couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other letter began. Joel sighed. Get a job? What qualifications did he have for that?

_I saw earth become a thing on my birth hour._

_I once flew the highest in my class and got scolded at by a teacher._

_I once flicked cigarette ash into the atmosphere and made you all think it was a shooting star._

_I fucked the girl in the Mona Lisa painting, **what the hell am I going to put in an application.**_

Wings.

Joel fucking forgot about his wings so he ran into the bathroom and pulled his shirt off.

_No, not my babies no not them please._

So Joel concentrated in the mirror, trying to make his wings appear, and then sighing and hanging his head when he couldn’t. He relaxed a bit, trying to think that this wasn’t the end of the world. Looked back at the mirror and there they were. Joel flapped a bit, wanting just a second of altitude. He couldn’t. He looked back at the mirror and there was another note.

_Don’t do that. You can see your wings if you relax and make them appear, but you must be relaxed okay? You have to feel **safe**  to make your wings appear, and just think them away when you don’t want to see them. You cannot fly. No flying. No. Don’t look at me like that Joel. Me damn it Joel, if you want to go somewhere, walk or use the beast in your garage. Also remember to fucking wash your wings because you know how they get in the summer time._

_xoxoxo -God_

Garage? What?

So Joel raced downstairs, and opened the door under the stairs, then walked down more stairs and ended up in a grey floored, grey walled garage. Then in the middle was a blue mitsubishi lancer, and Joel cringed. How the fuck would he be able to work this thing.

So he looked around for a bit, and eventually found the key on top of the last stair, got in the car, (the interior was a very, very dark grey), and made it  _purr_.

Joel then got out of the car to open the garage door, and then went back in.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

  
So he stepped on the gas, put the car in reverse, and hoped for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

“What the fuck am I doing?”  
“Yeah what the fuck are you doing?” Someone retaliated from the passenger seat of the car, Joel screamed and so did the being beside him.

“WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?” Joel shouted,

“I DON’T KNOW,” He huffed in response. Joel had only backed up a few feet and was still parked in the garage, the person beside him started to laugh.

“Burnie, you are an asshole,” Joel said matter-of-factly, Burnie shrugged and brushed off the insult. He clapped loudly and Joel jumped again.

“So how’s Life?”

“Don’t smalltalk me, what are you doing here!?”

“Well you know, gonna teach some asshole how to drive a car.”

“Yeah but he’s the prettiest asshole you’ve ever met.”

“Yes you’re very pretty Joel,” Burnie was quite literally glowing, he had sunglasses on and his wings were put on hold (meaning they’re not out for people to see), his back was littered with blue markings, starting from the neck and going all the way down to the back of his legs. His arms were covered in the markings also, but his has a faded blue color that had a slight hint of green if you looked at them in a certain lighting. Burnie was old, older than Joel, and he was assigned the rule of ‘Guarder.’ These angles had to be around Burnie’s age, and they have to have very very strong personalities. They had to come to angels in their time of need or weakness, and they had to talk some sense into them, the hard cases had to be delivered to God himself to deal with, but most of them were like the angel’s godparents. Beings who would show kids the ropes and teach them life skills (teachers were a different story) and just be there if they needed anything.

“Well you learned how to put the car in reverse really quickly.”

“I just, you know, had a hunch.”

“ _Mhmmm_.” Joel hated when Burnie would do that. A few minutes passed before Burnie looked at Joel expectantly, he took the hint and backed the car up. When they were out of the garage Burnie lifted a hand to close the door, Joel grumbled about how it was unfair that Burnie got more power here on Earth and he had only been there for a few minutes.

“Easy with the gas Joel, you’re burning the rubber on the fucking road!” Burnie exclaimed sarcastically, they were going a full 10 miles per hour.  
“Lies,” Joel sneered as he put his foot on the gas, Burnie lurched back and screamed a ‘slow down, slow down!’ and Joel eased his foot on the gas. They took a few corners and after a few hours, Joel could drive like a fucking pro. Damn angels could learn shit fast. Burnie and Joel were laughing, catching up and just chilling when Joel went onto a busy street, the traffic was congested and the people around him were annoyed, they were either trying to get to work, go home, get to school, or other things. People around him were grasping the steering wheel tightly, so tightly their knuckles turned white. Joel was in no rush, neither was Burnie so the traffic was nothing but an experience, but the people around them, they seemed ready to commit a mass murder. They were honking their horns, shouting, Joel saw a family of four in front of him come apart when the guy driving started to shout at his wife. Joel saw her reach for sunglasses and wouldn’t look at him. Now Joel was vice gripping his steering wheel as Burnie sighed a ‘ _here we go.’_  Burnie concealed his markings with a red long sleeve shirt and blue jeans, Joel grumbling about how Burnie should have flaunted his angel power. They decided to get some late breakfast / _brunch_ / or something. They talked like old friends rekindling their old spark over a breakfast filled with bacon eggs and omelettes. Burnie put a 100 dollar bill onto the table and told the girl waitress to keep the tip. While they were walking away, they heard her exclaim a _‘get off me!’_  directed at a male customer. Joel didn’t stop to hear anymore, was it really his place to intervene? Eventually Burnie and him took a walk around a school yard, looking at the youngins as they chased each other around, one kid in the corner of the playground, alone. He looked sad, drawing figures into the sand with a stick, then a young girl came up to him and took the stick away from him. So now he just looked sad and bored, trying to continue the drawing with his fingers but getting yelled at by a teacher, saying he’d get dirty like that. So he stopped altogether and hugged his knees. No one came up to him after that.

(This reminded Joel of the time he was the first kid in his class to get yelled at, no one talked to him after that. It seemed like angel’s were born with a notion of right and wrong but Joel’s notion was a little fuzzy; as a result getting in trouble was rare for other angel’s accept for Joel. There were others like him, sure, but that didn’t make the hurt go numb.) Eventually, as the day was nearing an end, Burnie gave Joel a map.

“So you don’t get lost.” Joel looked at the map and saw three dots. One was labeled Joel, one was labeled ‘ _other angel: Burnie’_  one was labeled Ray. Before Joel could ask why Ray was marked, Burnie left him, so he began walking to his car with a smirk on his face. Maybe he should pay Ray a visit. Joel remembered the apartment from when he ‘helped’ Ray move, but the map was a bonus. Joel sat down in the his car and took it out, but the point named ‘Ray’ was still at his school, probably doing a class or extra credit or some shit like that. (Knowing Ray he was probably sleeping during class.) Joel turned on the ignition and backed out of his parking space, humming mindlessly to the song on the radio. He decided that maybe he should hang outside the apartment, maybe he can fake that he lost his key and chat it up with Ray. Joel wondered where he worked so maybe he could pay a visit to him too. Not watching where he was going or paying attention to the road in front of him, he heard a dull ‘ _thunk_ ’ and was lurched forward a bit. Joel groaned as he saw the person in front of him get out of his car, then he saw a note on his front window.

_Duck, then right hook._

Joel looked at the note confused, until he got out of the car and was greeted with a “Hey dumbass! Look at my car!” The paint was scratched and a tail light had a crack in it.

“I’ll pay for it, don’t get your underwear in a twist.” Joel said nonchalantly, but the guy stared daggers into Joel’s eyes and lifted up a fist. Remembering the note he ducked, but he forgot which hand was his right hand for a second and punch the guy in the stomach with his left hand. While he was on the floor Joel took out some money and dropped it on him, then backed the car away. He looked at the note again.

_Nice going, jackass._

Joel rolled his eyes and threw the note away. His temper was rising from the shit that just happend and the shit that happend before. He was trying to ignore the car horns around him but he was frustrated as fuck. People were yelling, screaming, making so much fucking  _noise_  and it was starting to give Joel a headache. Human drivers made him want to tear his hair out and have a tantrum on the street. (Hmans in general usually did this to him.) Joel stopped the car and parked on the side of the street and slammed the car door shut. He culdn’t take the traffic and the people anymore. Being with Burnie also made him realize that he was extremely homesick, so all this frustration and sadness, being a new combination to Joel, made him sick. He kicked the tires of his car because of frustration a few times, and people on the street looked at him like he was the crazy one. He just, needed to be quiet. He needed to think and clear his head. He turned around and came face to face with a giant metal fence with a big gap in the middle.  **ROSE HILL CEMETERY**  was carved with big letters over the entrance, Joel huffed quickly and walked inside. This is the closest thing he’s got to quiet besides a library. Libraries were filled with people, at least the people here were dead. Joel walked around for a while, steaming mad but after taking a few steps, he realized where he was. Like, actually realized. He realized that the people here would never be conscious, he realized that the people here might have been forgotten, and that they wouldn’t roam the earth anymore or hug the people they loved or tell anyone that they loved them. They wouldn’t feel the sun, they wouldn’t be able to feel warm coffee going down their throats or the taste of ice cream or that sticky feeling you get when syrup somehow gets on your arm at a diner. These people would never age only deteriorate, these people would never give a smile or get a thank you. These people would never wake up and the concept of death was so foreign, so terrifying to Joel that he couldn’t walk anymore. No one he knew has ever died. He’s never lost contact with the people he loved for forever, he’s never buried someone he loved. He’s never watched someone he loved die. Sure sometimes he would catch people in the room he likes to hang out in getting hit by a car, or sometimes he would hear the sobs of a child traveling through the wind and reaching him. But it never occurred to him that these people had loved ones. That these people were puzzle pieces and now the picture would just be a memory because the people who were apart of it would just fade. Joel tried to be big after a while. He tried to tell himself that people just die. That’s what people do. Die and hurt others. He thought that one day Ray would die to. Anyone he got attached to in this life, his Earth life, would get buried like the people here too. Suddenly Joel felt his heart constrict at the thought of time. About how people have so little time to feel the world. Joel was older than the Earth itself and he still had so much to learn. Joel had so little time to even learn first hand before he would go back to his place in the sky. And even if somehow he could live a normal Earth lifespan would he want to? So little time. So many constrictions. People themselves make living so difficult. Joel knew this, Joel knew that he was going to get attached to one of these motherfuckers. He knew he would outlive them too, he would outlive humanity. He would outlive the Earth itself. Joel knew that from this point on, Earth life was going to hurt and he wasn’t braced for impact.

He heard someone sniffle and choke back a sob. Joel knew the sound of a child trying not to cry, and that was the scariest sound, because children cry for attention. When they cry silently it’s because they’re really hurt. Joel listened and sighed. He followed the sound like a police hound on the scent of a killer. Then there she was, a little girl with long brown hair that curled around and around in loose spirals. She had a black dress and a rose in her hand that must have pricked her fingers because blood was running down her cinnamon hued hand. She sniffled again. Joel approached her cautiously, eventually giving the tombstone a quick glance. The date that the person listed on it was a week ago. A week. Joel muttered a weak ‘what’s the matter girl?’ that made the younger jump.

“I’m not,” she hiccuped, “Supposed to talk to strangers,” the words came out choked.  

“I’m not a stranger,” Joel retaliated, “I’m just a new person you haven’t met yet.” Can’t argue with that logic. The girl wiped her hot tears on her dress sleeve.

“Do you know where he is?” She asked sweetly, bitterly pointing to the space in front of her.

“No.”

“Mommy says he’s with God.” Joel didn’t want to say anything. His God was a different God.

“He was my hope. He was my sunshine,” the girl sniffled, “he said that hope was in the heart, but his heart stopped and now he’s buried just like my hope.” Joel frowned. Humanity hurt. He sighed and told the kid to look at him, when she did, the rose fell onto the stone with a soft plop. Joel’s wings were magnificent. They shone a golden colour in the human sun, and looked so soft, the girl reached out a hand and touched the wings, making Joel shiver because her hand was so cold. They were as soft as pillows, but still felt strong, they felt safe. The girl was in awe, she could barely speak.

“Are you here to take him away?” Joel dodged the question.

“There’s always a bit of hope left kid,” Joel sucked in a breath of air, “His heart had your hope, well now your heart had his hope and your hope, and his heart may have stopped beating but not yours beats with twice the ferocity.” Joel patter he on her head. “Please don’t give up.” She hugged him, tight and needy, she hugged him. Someone called out her name and she left. Looked back and waving at joel, mouthing a thank you before running off again.

“I saw an Angel mommy! I saw an angel!” An Angel of false hope, Joel thought bitterly. His heart felt constricted and he had to sit down on the dirt, he removed his wings.

Humanity hurt. Humanity hurt like a  _bitch_.  


	7. Chapter 7

Ray lied back into his couch, tongue out in concentration as he pressed the buttons on his controler violently as a string of curses flowed out of his mouth like a river with no end. Michael laughed as he held onto his bowl of cereal.

  
“God damn it.” Ray slammed his controler onto the coffee table in front of him, Michael laughed from a distance.  
“Seems like I’m rubbing off on you.”

“Hahaha,” Ray said as he flopped onto the couch, laying onto it and rubbing his face.

“Dude. Chill.” Michael gulped down the milk from his bowl, “Don’t you have class?”

“Cancelled.” Michael took the keys off the counter.

“I’m leaving then. You should go take a walk, you haven’t seen the sun in weeks.”

“Bye.” Ray said as he offered a weak wave. He had been in home for a while. Maybe he should take a walk.

Maybe he shouldn’t he’s so close to getting the last achievement…

Nope he missed it.  
“I’m done.” Ray threw his hands into the air and grabbed his  coat and keys, “I’m done.” He locked the door behind him. “Fucking video games.” He walked down the steps and exited the building. The sun was blinding and there was a nice breeze whisking around like it owned the place. Ray sighed and relaxed. He should have taken a walk sooner.

————-

Joel was not a graceful creature, he was clumsy when tired and grumpy when hungry or confronted and he was especially, especially not graceful when an alarm he didn’t remember setting woke him from probably the greatest sleep he’s had in awhile. Groaning, he stretch his hands over his head and yawned. He was going to press the button to his alarm when he grasped a note instead.

_Get a job you lazy asshole_

_XOXOXOX_

__

Joel looked at the note and crumpled it, He got out of bed and made his way to his bathroom. He grabbed a toothbrush and toothpaste and did what any normal person would do with the two. He looked at himself in his medicine cabinet mirror. Another note.

_If you find a day job I’ll find a way to fill your nights with something you like._

_;)_

__

_God, are you flirting?_  Joel rolled his eyes and crumpled the piece of paper in his hand, he threw it into a wastebasket. (Or tried to, he missed. Obviously.) Mindlessly he made his way downstairs, (Still in his underwear and nothing else.) He grasped a cupboard open and reached for whatever his hand found, he reached for a bowl and some milk, dumped some cereal into the bowl and took out a spoon and started to eat whatever the hell was in his mouth. It was sweet. Joel liked sweet. He put the box back only to find a last note.

 

_It’s sunny out. Take a walk._

_Talk to strangers._

__

Joel sighed and walked back upstairs. He put on a black shirt with some jeans, he wondered for half a second if he should take a jacket, but found a hoodie that was grey and dawned that on instead. Comfortable but still yawning, still trying to wash the sleep out from his mind, he opened the door and smiled. The sunshine felt sweet on his skin.

What didn’t feel sweet was the feeling that Joel had no fucking clue where he was going, so he just looked down and followed the crack on the street. He felt something in his pants pocket vibrate.

“What the fuck?” Joel muttered to himself as he took a sleek black rectangle from his pocket.

_The wonders of texting, you’ll get the hang of this shit soon Joel you’re kinda smart._

Joel furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. How the.. what the.. Joel put the thing back into his pocket. He’ll deal with that shit later. He bumped into someone on the street, and Joel muttered a faint sorry.

“It’s alright. I wasn’t paying attention either.” The voice sounded familiar.

Joel walked aimlessly until he started to actually look at the signs on buildings. Help wanteds jumped out at him like bullets in a warzone, but nothing really called out to Joel.

_You’re not going to get a dream job your first try Joel._

Joel put the fucking thing into his pocket and let out a defeated sigh, he ducked into a local supermarket that was hiring. (Let me tell you, Joel looks ridiculous in the store uniform.)

——-

Ray stumbled a bit on his feet, scolding himself silently for bumping into someone again. He remembered why he didn’t leave his house, Ray couldn’t stay focused on walking long enough to not stumble or something. He sighed at looked at his watch, 3 PM was rolling around the corner and Ray had a long while until he had to double back home and get ready for work. He took a few rounds around the block until he actually did double back, only to sit back down and play video games.

“Dude seriously!?” Michael said with a sigh when he walked into their apartment Ray just made a noise in agreement.

“One day ima get you out of the fucking house to see the sun,” Michael started to rip his shirt off and walk to the shower. Ray snuck a peek at Michael. (It was just a sideways glance so shush.)

———

Joel walked out of the supermarket, embarrassed? Who knew, but he got the job. (And his soon to be boss’ phone number in his pocket, which he took a ripped up.) He was clutching his new uniform and had to be working tomorrow at around 9:30 in the morning. His uniform worked awful. His phone vibrated and he took it out, just to glance.

 

 _Good job asshole, you got a job._  Joel rolled his eyes and was about to put his phone away, when it vibrated in his hand again.

_By the way, didn’t you want to get drunk when you turned into a human? Bar right around the corner seems nice._ Joel smiled, and chuckled to himself.

_Oh by the way, wear something nice?_

‘Nice’ He’d wear whatever he’d like, like always. He rolled his eyes and put the phone in his pocket, hesitated for a second, and kept walking. He walked home and threw his hoodie onto a corner, and picked up a black shirt. (He also tossed his new job uniform because that shit ugly.) He left his house again. The bar would be nice hopefully.

——

Ray had to go to work a bit early, so he could open up and get all his cups sorted, but the bar he worked at didn’t officially open until about 8, and usually he’d get only a few sad souls that early. It wasn’t a new bar, and it wasn’t popular with people who were characteristically young. It was basically a hangout for old people looking for a place to drink, but sometimes you’d see some young people swing by and drink a bit before hitting a club or anything like that. Ray heard the door swing open and he offered the guy who stepped in a smile. He glanced at the clock, it was around 9 and the guy who just stepped in made Ray a bit nervous. (He was usually shy around people he found attractive but being a bartender you just had to deal with it.)

When Joel walked in, he awkwardly shuffled and took a seat at the bar, he looked at Ray immediately and started to panic, waiting for his phone to buzz with advice or something to calm him down, but no, it stayed unmoving in his pants pockets and Joel let out a shaky breath.   
“What can I get you?”

“Anything.” Joel wanted to mentally beat himself up. He should ‘turn on his charm,’ try and woo Ray. Maybe he should just sulk in his drink. Small talk? Bah this is going nowhere, Ray was busy flirting with someone else.

Wait.

Oh.

A surge of who knows what flooded Joel’s veins and replaced whatever blood he had with liquid ‘I saw him first’s,’ and ‘get the fuck away from him’s.’ But Joel just sulked into his drink. Maybe next time he’d get some confidence. (But when the guy keep looking at Ray like he was a prize to be won Joel wanted to have a piano from the sky drop onto his stupid face.) So Joel did what any other rational person would do. He ordered another drink and didn’t even stop to savor the bitter fire that flowed down his throat.

They guy left and Ray sighed. Joel turned his attention to him.

“So,” Joel began, “No luck?” He teased. Ray blushed a bit.  
“I, um, need a refill?” Ray grasped the cup and went to go get some more of the drink he mixed for Joel.

“You from here?” Ray asked.

“Naw, I’m from a long ways away. I take it you’re from here?”  
“Yeah how’d you know?”  
“Lucky guess.” Joel drank the liquid fire in his hands. There was a pause of silence.

“What are you doing for school?”  
“Liberal arts. Do I look that young that I’m still in college?” Ray teased and Joel flustered a bit.

“Yeah, you look really young.”

One thing led to another and Joel left the bar with a napkin and Ray’s number on it.

_Good Job._

_-God._


	8. Chapter 8

Joel woke up groggily the next morning, got dressed in his ridiculous job uniform, and made his way to work. The sun on his face made him squint and the rays shining down on him felt like satan rubbing on his face. He groaned, feeling a bit off, and made his way to work.

_It’s the alcohol, you’re not sick._

He rubbed his hand on his face and pocketed his phone.

“Hello Joel.” His boss greeted him with a perky smile, her blonde hair curled and to the side of her face, her eyes had black eyeliner and her lips shone with a pale pink glint in the store lights. She smelt like dying flowers and cotton candy, she had a red button up shirt that was buttoned down so you could barely see her bra peeking out. (It was black and lacy.)

She bit her lip and told Joel to follow her, since this was his first day here. They walked down the store aisles, occasionally she would look back to make sure Joel was still following her. They reached a small room that had an old TV in the middle and a chair in front. The girl opened a video cassette and popped it into the vcr.

“Hi my name is Charity.” Her voice boomed from the TV.

“Oh sorry,” She paused it and turned the volume down a bit, “Here, this is a video, it’s kinda long, and it’s on what to do and how to do your job. Think of this as training.” She smiled and handed him the remote. “This is to pause,” she pointed at the button, “This is the volume, and if you need to, this is rewind.” She gave him a smile and pointed out the bathroom and told him that around noon he could break and go get food.

Six hours. Six hours of product placement and this is how to press buttons on the cash register to make it go ding so you can feed it money. Six hours of his ass feeling numb.

But Joel now is getting up out of his seat, cracking his back in the process. He turned the TV off and headed out.

“Leaving?” Charity asked, Joel nodded, “Sorry about the training video but it’s standard procedure, I hope you paid attention because tomorrow I have to test you on it.”   
“Do all supermarkets have you as the training video person?” Joel lazily asked.

“No I um, I lost the other video and had to make a new one,” She said shyly, “Night Joel.”

“Bye.”

The doors made a ding dong sound as he passed through them, feeling tired but not wanting to sit down. He unlocked his door and face planted onto his sofa, groaning.

_Get over it you baby._

__

_you do the work next time asshat_

__

_Someone’s grumpy._

Joel rolled around on his sofa, taking a few minutes to rest before getting up and showering. He zoned out in the shower though and his hot water ran out, so he had to make use of the cold. He sighed when he got out and got dressed again.

_You’re not going to the bar are you?_

Joel ignored the text and put on his shoes. He wondered why his closet was filled with blue jeans and black and white shirts, couldn’t god have thrown in a bit of colour in there?

_Whatever_.

He opened the bar door to find Ray chatting up some guy, again.

Joel felt like he had competition and that if he didn’t do something he’d lose Ray to someone who didn’t deserve him.

So he drank a bit (a lot) and chatted Ray up, sometimes he would throw his head back and laugh, his eyes glistening and the corners of his mouth being pulled back. When Ray stopped laughing his face seemed to be glowing, a faint smile on his lips as he let out a few giggles here and there. When Ray would try and serve another customer Joel would find some excuse to get close to them. Chatting the customer up, asking them how there day was and if they told someone I love you. They wouldn’t get creeped out though, because Joel would instantly sneak back to his chair when Ray outstretched his hand to give them their drinks.

“Sorry about him.” He would offer but the people didn’t mind, finding the weird questions funny.

“What is wrong with you?” Joel slurred.  
“Me? you’re the one asking people weird questions.”  
“It’s because humans, humans don’t love a lot do they?”  
“I dunno.” Ray shrugged, “Why are you asking me?”  
“Because you’ve been human for longer than I have.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ray asked, cleaning a cup with a rag and stealing a glance at the clock, it was almost time for his shift to be up.

“I’m- I’mmmmm saying. MMMM, ems are weird. they’re like. MMMM and if you change the pitch you could be saying yes but you’re really just saying a letter of the alphabet. Your shift is up.” Joel said as he downed what was left in his cup.

_Oh my me Joel no._

“Shut up God.”  
“What?”  
“You shift. It’s done.” Ray looked at the clock and started to take off his bowtie, and undoing his champagne coloured apron. He hoped over the counter and grabbed Joel’s hand.

“Where do you live.”  
“In a house.” Joel slurred and Ray rolled his eyes,”What are you…”   
“You can’t drive, you’re wasted, I’m just making sure you get home alright.”  
“Okie-dokie.” Joel smiled and Ray tugged on his arm, letting a ‘come on’ escape from his lips.

“Left. No right. That’s my house. there. That one.”  
“Look both ways before we cross the street-”  
“That’s my house.”  
“Oh my god Joel.”

“Are you going into my house?” Joel asked as they ran across the street, Joel flopping around like the drunk he is and Ray sprinting like a gazelle.

Ray blushed a bit as he walked up the steps, Joel close at his heels as he unlocked his door. Ray walked inside and Joel stumbled in. The younger rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, Joel looked at him and closed the door.

They just stared at each other, the air suffocatingly thick with who know’s what but to Joel it smells sweet like home and to Ray it smells like anxiousness.

Joel turned on the light, expelling the shady darkness, replacing the moonlight with the light from a light bulb.

Ray licked his lips in anticipation, biting the bottom one, his heart beating rhythmically against his chest like a drummer who’s doing his first drum solo.

Joel looked at him and he felt warm, he felt at home, he felt like he did all those years ago, protective, love, but now with just an alcoholic aftertaste to match.   He gingerly outstretched his hand and passed his thumb over Ray’s soft cheek, his eyes never leaving Ray’s as the younger’s breath hitched.

Joel whispered huskily, “Do you want some cereal?” and Ray laughed, grabbing Joel’s hand and holding it.

“No Joel.”

“Okay.” There was a pause and Ray let out a shaky breath, slowing getting closer and closer to Joel as if he was a wounded animal, closing the gap between them with a slow kiss.

Joel had a nervous burning at the bottom of his stomach, his blood swirling inside him with emotions, passion, love, and alcohol. He let go of Ray’s hand and grabbed his face, not wanting the kiss to end, but eventually it had to, both of them gasping for air and Ray’s face was a light pink colour but Joel’s face was about 20 shades of red darker than Ray’s.

_I’m not looking I swear._

Joel’s phone buzzed, “Are you going to get that?” Ray asked.  
“No,” Joel kissed Ray again, softly but eventually it started to become rougher, when this kiss stopped Joel started to place soft kisses on Ray’s neck, feeling the younger’s pulse on his lips.

Eventually, after doing that for a while, the rotation of kissing Ray on the lips and kissing him in other places, the realization that Joel is in fact touching him, and that there will be no consequences, he could touch him and his hand wouldn’t go through him, he could touch him and wouldn’t get Ray screaming goingsomething touched me and have a friend of him say it was the wind.

Ray shed his shirt and Joel mimicked the younger, leading him upstairs to the bedroom, almost tumbling up the stairs and opening the bedroom door.

Joel then wanted to break away, to say something, but then he remember that Ray doesn’t know him like he knows Ray.

So he gets a bit nervous, and then he gets a lot of nervous when he realizes he’s never done this before. He’s never kissed anyone on the lips and he’s very self conscious now, wondering if Ray thinks he’s inept or he’s bad at what he’s doing.

Joel is secretly hoping that he’ll get to feel Ray, every single part of him, and the other half of him doesn’t want to, because frankly, Joel doesn’t know how to.

He knows Ray does, though, but you know he was an angel with sense so whenever anything got heated he would just go and float around. He wasn’t going to watch, he’s not a creep.

Though part of him wishes he did, because he has no idea what he’s doing or how this works or how anything below his hips and above his knees works but whatever is happening making him feel desperate and-

In the midst of overthinking Ray hit the back of his knees on the bed and he tumbled backwards, Joel let out a shaky laugh and pressed his forehead on Ray’s.

“I think-” Joel began but suddenly he felt like something gripped him off of Ray, he fell onto the floor and boomed a laugh.

“Jesus Joel are you okay?”

“I’m too drunk for this,” he said, looking up at Ray.

“I guess I’ll leave then-”  
“No. You don’t have to. Is pretty late and you’re already on my bed.” Ray hesitated, and Joel rested his face on the edge of the bed, looking at Ray who just laughed.

“Alright.”

~~~

Ray woke up to a sticky note on Joel’s side of the bed:

_Stay as long as you’d like, help yourself to food and clothes if you need them, would have loved to have spent the day with you but I have work. Sorry D:_

__

Ray rubbed his eyes and yawned, taking the sight of Joel’s house in, his bed was comfortable and he wanted nothing more but the just lie in his bed forever. But he didn’t.

He did however, hear his own phone buzz, there was a bunch of missed text alerts and a few missed calls.

All of them from Michael, asking him if he was dead or getting laid.

Sometimes Ray felt like Michael was too over protective. He brushed the thought out of his mind and a sent a ‘didn’t quite get laid, give you details later’ and rolled out of Joel’s bed.

Ray wonders why he feels familiar.

 


End file.
